5th Inception

WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE.

Freedom of speech is a funny thing. Like I can choose to say Fuck you Jessica. But I won’t because we all have the right to our opinions. So in my opinion which you don’t have to agree with at all I say , I am proud to be a linkin park fan and I always will be. I don’t place labels and I don’t like stereotypes and I feel that to those of you who hate lp or dislike them, go on…Freedom of speech states that I can say FUCK YOU…in the kindest way possible. No really, respect everyone people. You like them, then like them. If not, don’t but don’t start none, won’t be none! lol

I have lost my mind. Before I watched Inception, I had this wicked cold. When I am sick, I have weird dreams. So I dreamed this ultra powerful girl. Then after watching Inception, I still dream of her…but randomly. I even slip into day dreams about her. She looks a lot like me but my mental projection of how I want to look. And while I keep having these micro dreams I wonder, am I in her dream or is she in mine?

On september 2nd I will begin school again. I am taking a slight mix of classes.

Greek Civilization (I failed that one. Not afraid to admit it. I can blame the teacher but it was my fault for not realizing she was a quack sooner.)
Buddhism (I’m not even sure I spelled that right. Sorry if I didn’t!)
Death, Dying and Afterlife (Kinda not looking forward to this class )
Rich and Poor Nations (They’ve been after me for TWO SEMESTERS!)

To sweeten the deal however, I begin work at my new job in a school on the 7th. I’m excited. I initially wanted to be a teacher as a child. Then I found out I love writing. But my first dream was teaching. And here we go, back at MSU and i’m going into Education.

I know, “I thought you were doing sociology”. Well that was to be a social worker. And apparently, that is under Education at my campus. Either way, it is pulling me back where I started.

For now however, I’m preparing for my expensive books and my new commute to work and school. On top of that, maybe getting my permit, dming star wars saga edition and trying not to let my negative attitudes hold me down.

Some situations haven’t gotten too much better and are still depressing but others are changing. So I guess it’s about time, and sacrifice…ok I’m starting to quote a song.

-BB

ps, I’m hoping to update more. Wish spam bots couldn’t find this though!

I am back! And I have a bit of an update. Well, for one. I am working. I work in retail and I work almost six days a week. I am exhausted but I have to say I love it. After so long of not having a job I am very happy to be working. On that note, I have made a decision on school. I HAVE been accepted back for the fall. And from that point I will be attending for two more semesters, acing everything in my path. So all the hard thoughts actually paid off. And to be even more productive, I will be working AND going to school at the same time. Maybe this is a new start.

BB

I know that most people would read this and think that I am immediately talking about drug users. In fact, I am not. I am talking about people who make a habit of relying on others for everything. Things they should be doing for themselves and just…won’t.

Before I get onto this topic, yes I recognize that I can be considered a user. But to get assistance that is offered, needed and necessary is different. The type of user I am talking about is the type when

A) Something is relient upon them. A task must be done to complete a certain order of things and they somehow place another, oddly useless priority in front of it.

B) Someone has to do a specific task and for one reason or another cannot complete this task without the full assistance of another. Not without asking for help, because we all need help with things, but actually making it someone elses responsibility totally!

C) When assistance is not given, the user will blame everyone else for things going wrong for them. Things that obviously originated from one source suddenly become the cause of another source.

Of course, A,B and C sounds like all of us. I am even guilty of these things sometimes, but not all three together. The user I am speaking of, is an “alphabet” user.

Alphabet User: (according to BB) is one that uses A,B and C repeatedly for EVERYTHING that happens with them.

These users are confusing sometimes but obvious to spot. When things are useful for them, ie, enjoyment is to be had by them they are either fine or asking for a small assistance.

When things get difficult, the natural human instinct of protection does not kick in and they simply fall on the hopes that everyone else will do things for them simply because.

These people usually have no shame. They will do things that seem out of the ordinary for anyone to do. They will say things and expect that because they say it, it is perfectly fine only for them to say it. And almost always, they do not know how to accept responsibility when they are proven wrong.

At times, you feel sorry for the typical user, but eventually you realize that when you feel remorse for them, you are usually caught in their web.

Taking the last thing stated into account, realize that the user will be easy to spot by one simple thing.

When asking about one situation, they will immediately begin telling a story that paints them as a victim, a wronged person, an innocent soul simply corrupted by the environment. In other words, they are the good son/daughter. You are the therapist. You have to see them as “right”.

How you know for sure:

When they begin their “tale” everything in your being is still pointing to the prior situation at hand. Nothing they are saying is helping with anything you are talking about. Nothing they say has anything to do with a solution. Nothing they say at the moment makes sense. And somewhere in the statement, they will somehow bring up needing your help. Just be aware of that tell tale sign.

I find myself sitting here and wondering with all that is going on around me, will we ever learn the difference between letting go and loss? will we ever see the difference between that which alters the ones we love and who they really are? can we really separate ourselves just enough to accept the flaws of another? and honestly, do we really have flaws if we are simply bags of skin and bones controlled by an unexplained mass of tissue that at its discretion pumps odd amounts of liquids that alter our personalities into our bodies?

\

Are we really deep down that hard to deal with?

-B.B.

I’ve been doing some soul searching in the past three weeks and came up with something I think may help me in my near and distant future. I call it The Big Three. The Big Three can be altered as many times as you want to, but for now, this is what I have come up with. Let’s keep in mind, the big three does not have to be deadly serious. They can be things that simply make you laugh or are small.

I’ve decided that I won’t take loans. If the school does not give me financial aid for fall, I only have 5,000 to work with for two semesters. An average semester for me is 5,000 dollars anyway. That is going to trap me in the same problem I had a year ago, where I have to get a payment plan that I cannot afford. I realize that I may have to put off school once again. I’ve tried for scholarships and I don’t get many responses. Hell, I don’t get any responses. I often wondered if I was doing it wrong. Perhaps I am.

But I have taken into account (and this is not to offend any readers who do not believe in a higher power, let alone the one I believe in), that God may have other plans for me. I may have to put school on hold and while that will start my loan payments again, I may have to just pay them.

On a positive note, I am hoping they give me my financial aid. This way I can deal with the Big two.

I am simply waiting on a start date! Yes, I got something. But with an upcoming pressing matter and the idea of school not being changeable I have to face facts that this might be a blessing or a curse. Something will have to change, the fear of course, is which one. This leads me to the Three.

Its hard to watch a friend make a mistake knowing nothing you say or do can help them.

I am currently trying to attend school so that I can raise my g.p.a. and get into a different school because my current school does not have the major I want. I want to do social work. But my school only has Sociology as a major.

Today, I ended up going to my brothers house and while talking with his sister and his girlfriend, his sister informs me that the school we both attend now, DOES in fact have social work as a major. It’s cleverly hidden in a huge tortilla of awkward under a different name. It’s “Family Services” and it is a concentration. The outer layer is Education, the second layer is Family Services, the meat is NOT sociology. I’d have to completely change my major.

Now I face a dilemma. If I cannot raise my g.p.a. but am allowed to attend this college, now that I know there is the major I want there, should I continue there or move on to the next school after busting my hump? Before you answer, let us weigh the pros and cons of this decision.

Pro:
I would not have to transfer schools.
I would just have to change majors.
The major falls under education which gives me the advantage of also obtaining an education/teaching degree.
I had also planned on teaching.

Cons:
Financial aid does not cover everything.
I end up paying upwards of 700 dollars a semester out of pocket.
My aunt keeps telling me I have to settle down.
Every semester there is something wrong with my paperwork or something.
There is always something new at this school.
The department sometimes determines your final grade for classes (english department especially)
I was an english major and moved from a D to a C because after getting 11 weeks of A’s and B’s, the final paper was graded by the department and I received a D and a C.
I vowed never to take another english class here as it just lowers my g.p.a.

Alright, so my cons are definitely outweighing my pros. I see this. But the problem is, I have to first wait to find out *for the third time* if my school will approve me to have financial aid.

If they do not, I have to pay out of pocket. That is close to 5,000+ dollars. Sometimes, I cannot afford a simple bottle of orange juice. Second, since I do not have the money, I have to wait longer until they approve me again. Then I have to complete and pass two semesters.

I am noting now that the last paragraph SHOULD have been number one on my cons list. It should be the ONLY factor on my cons list however, I am trying to think optimistically here and hope they do approve me *for the third time.*

As you see, this is a hard decision because I am not even aware of what they will decide. But keeping with being positive, let us say they WILL approve. So…

What do you think my next move should be?
-B.B.

Everybody has a skin that they put on in the morning. That skin is not their race, it isn’t their religion. It is their everyday interaction. Only alone, sans skin are we really who we really are. Change you skin. Read about mine.